So the last couple weeks the Lord's really been impressing upon my heart that I haven't truly given the WHOLE of my heart to Him. There was still that *small* section which I kept to myself...just in case....(you fill in the blank). The more I held on to it the more He seemed to be knocking on its door. 'You say you want to be consumed by Me...yet withhold this one area I want you give Me.' 'You want a deeper and closer fellowship with Me but you know you can't because of this ONE piece you refuse to let go.' 'You sing, '...My heart is Yours.' But is it really?' Such turmoil has been mine and the battle long. I believe it was during the CRM meeting when things came to a head. You're right, I can't sing honestly and genuinely from my heart. But I WANT to.
Ever had a 'treasure' you thought you couldn't do without? Even if it did mean it was forbidden? To the extent you kept saying, 'No, God. You can have ALL of my heart but this one little area.' And God's like, 'How can I have ALL of your heart but that one area I want? 99% is not 100% now is it?
My weakness was in the area of friendships. I wish I could say that I'm strong and have my head on straight majority of the time. Nay, it be not so. Haven't quite found the balance of appreciating friendships and yet still keeping my main focus on Jesus Christ. I do treasure friendships but more often than not I allow them to become more important than my relationship with God and lean on them for support. To the extent of enjoying their company over finding my wholeness in Christ.
This process hasn't been an easy one. I fought. Struggled. Wrestled. Just like Jacob did that night before he was to meet his brother. And of course we all know the end of the story. God always wins. No questions about it. Such was my case. The more I wrestled with Him over it the more He helped me see the futility of my clenched fists.
The whole picture of Salvation came to mind. Had Christ decided to falter in the midst of His calling there wouldn't have been a way of escape for the world, would there of? What if He declared it was too much a price to lay His life down? What if He'd said it was too much and abhorred the Cross?
The scripture comes to mind in which Paul speaks of his 'thorn in the flesh'. Here is Paul, a great apostle. A man who had visions and revelations. A man looked up to and admired. Who would of thought he'd have struggles and besetting weaknesses? Prior to looking up this scriptures it dawned on me that just as he had a thorn in his flesh so we are not alone in ours. And yes, he pleaded that Christ would take it away yet God saw it fit to keep it in his life. Why? Perhaps to remind him of his daily need for Christ. lest he should become puffed up and proud of his successes.
No reserves:
THEREFORE most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities... Wow. How many of us boast in our infirmities? Especially our weaknesses and that particular area which keeps tripping us? I should say very few. More often than not it is looked as a season of of humiliation and embarrassment. We don't like to see ourselves in the miry bog wallowing without any progress. We tend to shrink back when we are exposed. We run and hide lest man should judge us. Yet it is Christ who beckons us to give Him all our wretched rags and trade them in for something better.
No retreats:
That the POWER OF CHRIST MAY REST UPON ME... Really?! With such a promise we will not want to retreat because we have seen and tasted that the Lord IS GOOD. Slowly but surely, the Lord has been teaching me to turn those things which keep tripping me up into opportunities to worship Him. Instead of following your flesh turn and worship Jesus Christ. It is then that the power of Christ is made manifest in our feeble lives.
No regrets:
For when I AM WEAK, THEN I AM STRONG... What a promise! Instead of despising your 'thorn', grow from it. Jesus has so much for you! It is such a joy to see Christ become more and more a dear Friend. It is Jesus and Jesus ALONE. The blessing of the Lord it makes rich and he adds no sorrow with it! His way is not grievous if we are truly sold out to Him 100%! It is with great joy that I write you concerning the walk Christ has me on. He is so much more than I ever imagined!
God is good...ALL THE TIME. Are you willing to worship Christ next time you're faced with a choice to give in to your 'thorn in the flesh' that Christ' power may rest upon you? He is faithful. Come, my brother and sister, let us taste and see that the Lord is INDEED good!
2 Corinthians 12: 1-10
It is doubtless not profitable for me to boast. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord: I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago—whether in the body I do not know, or whether out of the body I do not know, God knows—such a one was caught up to the third heaven. And I know such a man—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows—how he was caught up into Paradise and heard inexpressible words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter. Of such a one I will boast; yet of myself I will not boast, except in my infirmities. For though I might desire to boast, I will not be a fool; for I will speak the truth. But I refrain, lest anyone should think of me above what he sees me to be or hears from me.
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