Bitterness of Heart

It is with great anguish I write you today. Out of confusion. Great hurt. To the extent that my heart is grieving from sheer exhaustion. To be quite honest, I'm questioning again 'Why?!' What purpose is this suppose to serve? Yes, I'm angry. Because I do not understand the reason for this to be taking place.

I hate friends(guy ones in particular)! Why can't there be just a few who'd treat you as a sister and nothing more?
There seems to be a pattern which I've noticed in my life. We're good friends then we get to know each other on a deeper level only to be tossed out with the dirty water. I know that is put very short but it'll have to do for now. Sometime after we're friends and in the midst of digging in it breaks. You find out they have someone else in mind. You dirty jerk! How dare you! Don't you have any sense of sensitivity! Obviously not.

Howbeit, I'm finding out that it's not all their fault...much to my dismay. Perhaps I've been silly, foolish and stupid once again. To actually fall for someone who gave a little attention. But really? How many girls would think a guy asking her out meant there was something more than just a bunch of singles hanging out? Maybe I'm so naive and old fashioned that to the men of my generation it merely means NOTHING.

I realize that this post is nothing but troubling. But if you were in my shoe you'd understand. And if you'd gone through this I'd be by your side. It sucks to be discarded over someone else-especially when it happens over and over again.

I should know better than shaking my fist at God...BUT this HURTS. Along with about every good friend which was given they have  been taken away just when things were great. It seems to be a constant on-going cycle. Every time I'm asked, "Hi, how are you doing?" My heart aches as I responds with, "Good. You?" If only they knew that death is sapping life from the inside out. There are times I simply go through the motion of asking because it is what you're suppose to do. If I'd be honest my response would come out more like, "I'm angry and upset. What else do you want to know?" 'Course that would only trigger more questions which I have no desire to supply answers to. What does it matter to them? I'm just another face on this vast universe.

BUT my God isn't that way. He doesn't show interest, invest one-on-one time to only declare His love is otherwise directed. He's not one who parleys with the human heart only to throw it away from Himself. He doesn't lie to your face and surprise you with,'Just kidding!' No, rather He's consistent and devoted. I'm grateful. This seems to be my only consolation right now.

Guys, this is my 2 cents worth. A girl's heart should be treated with great care. Don't parley with them. If marriage is not the intent of a serious relationship then you have no business tampering with. Us girls think the world of you. But when you screw it up then it makes life more difficult to deal with...especially in guy/girl relationships. If you're needing a friend then come out and say, 'Hey, I'm just looking for a friend and nothing more, would you consider such a friendship?' I totally understand that there are times when a good friend is needed no doubt about that. We appreciate your honesty and upfrontness. Just something to think about.

The Hurt and the Healer by MercyMe speaks volumes right now.

~A hurting heart looking for healing.