That the King of Glory May Come In

Sometimes there are ONE too many hurts all festering at the same time. Such has been my week.

"I've never hid anything from you."

"Why are you so reserved?"

"Why do you have a wall up?"

These questions have been haunting me to the point of mocking me in the face. For I know not how to resolve them. And my insides are in so much pain. Just thinking about everything calls for a bucket. I feel so weak. I want freedom so badly but somehow I can't let go of whatever it is that's binding me to the past.

Perhaps I've followed in vain. I don't have the means to finish this course..

I don't like seeing myself in such a predicament. It speaks of hopelessness. And if it was another friend I'd been telling them to loose hope is to turn their back on God. I'm getting a headache the more thought is put into it. Having spoken so bluntly and boldly--will the end be a total waste?

As I've been thinking about my predicament, I've arrived to the conclusion that I'm still trying to fix myself. This is difficult to admit yet I see myself wallowing in my own tears so many times trying oh so desperately to find some light in the midst of my darkness which only Jesus Christ can provide. It is nothing of myself but simply letting Jesus bring healing to those hurts and as new hurts arise hopefully they will not penetrate as deeply as they have before.

'Lord Jesus shine your light in this heart of mine. I ask that Your hand would apply the ointment to the wounds of long gone by years. I give you all the hurts from my childhood and young adulthood. O God, set me free by Your love! Let me taste sweet freedom from the past for Your glory. Teach me to rest in your bosom! To stop trying and simply let You be my healer.'

Lift up your heads, O gates!

And be lifted up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The Lord, strong and mighty,

the Lord, mighty in battle!

Lift up your heads, O gates!

And lift them up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The Lord of hosts,

he is the King of glory! Selah

Psalm 24:7-9 ESV

These verses have been speaking volumes to me the last few days. Yes, even through my gropings and moanings they've kept me thinking about what God has in store--freedom! The doors and gates give picture of the many closets and rooms we've created due to hurts, conflicts and injurious words or actions. We seem to be a pro at stashing/burying these away so as to avoid further hurt. 'Course that is all a lie... The more we bury pain the deeper it will hurt next time. Isn't that pathetic? We have our thoughts all screwed up. So as Jesus would utter and has by His actions, 'Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in!' So come Lord Jesus and blow the trumpet of victory even in this feeble soul You claimed as Your very own! My King is mighty and strong and ... mighty in battle! Yes, come Lord Jesus. No more barred shut doors. Have Your way in me!

Amazing Love!

Amazing Love! Those are such sweet words ringing in my ears...I cherish them immensely of late. Without it I don't know where I'd be!

The last couple months I've had the privilege of watching the hand of God move in the midst of my dear family. It is amazing how much joy, healing and happiness it's added to my life and those of my family members.

Being raised in a Christian family, we were taught to love God and each other. To strive to follow Christ with all our heart and to deny ourselves. Since we weren't the perfect family, we had our quarks and tussles and yes even times we fought together. When one was ready to give up the other was still holding onto some strand of hope. And there was a stick-to-ive-ness. Got to love how uniquely each individual was created.

To all those who may shed many a tear in the midst of their difficult days trying to understand why life must be as such... There is HOPE. I don't mean to prance in 'pomp in circumstance' but truly believe that God works all things in His time. Let not your heart be weary or overcome by what is right now but rather hope for what is to be. For I too had given in to just accepting things as they were for the remainder of life.

As the older of us kids became adults and moved out on our own there were changes which took place and as it is natural for parents to care about their kids, it is important to constantly give them (kids) to the Lord. Remember that God's word will not return void but accomplish that which it was meant to do. It was as these changes occurred that there was some tension which arose. Yet, I am reminded to always take these differences to the Lord. This life isn't about how one child is listening to this and another child is getting involve in that... It is about a relationship with our Maker.

Remember Paul's words, 'Work out your own salvation...'? It must be applied individually. And each one must come to bear their own cross. This calls to remembrance something my mom told me as a little girl and it seems as if I can still hear her clear as day just now, 'I cannot walk out the Christian walk for you as much as I'd like to. You have to o it yourself.' Such truth! I love the latter part of Paul's exhortation, '...with fear and trembling.' I don't know about you but it was pretty easy to follow the current when we were all at home. Living on your own was something else. It was then that our 'convictions and stands' would be put to the test. Which ones were really our very own and which ones were we simply 'doing' because we knew better in the presence of parents or particular friends? So as we mature and 'work out our own salvation' the fear of the Lord becomes more a reality in our own hearts and lives. Remember, it's about a relationship and not simply a performance based religion.

It is with much joy that I write to you having been on one side of the railroad tracks to now traveling on the other side. Yes, even my beloved parents have expressed joy and praise as they've witnessed God working in the hearts and lives of their kids. It is a joy to see us more as a family! Also, I'm extremely grateful that they (parents) spent many an hour on bended knees. For had it not been so, who knows where I'd be. It is only through His love and mercy that we aren't consumed!

Praise the Lord who makes all things beautiful in His time!

Sweet Freedom

So I decided I'd give it a try at Blogging. The purpose of starting this blog is to call to remembrance the wondrous doings of my Lord. It is in the valleys that more often than not His handiwork is lost in all the shuffle of life. I want to instead of becoming defeated by my present circumstances, to first turn to the Lord. Sometimes I may be blunt where I am in my journey with the Lord but non the less still striving to seek His face. It may be next honest to my personal journaling...so be fairly warned. May Jesus be glorified through these writings.

Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee’s house, and sat down to eat. And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee’s house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, “This Man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner.”

And Jesus answered and said to him, “Simon, I have something to say to you.”
So he said, “Teacher, say it.”
“There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?”

Simon answered and said, “I suppose the one whom he forgave more.”
And He said to him, “You have rightly judged.” Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."

Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
And those who sat at the table with Him began to say to themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
Then He said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you. Go in peace.” ~Luke 7:36-50

You're probably wondering why I chose such a passage. Recently I found myself pondering over a few choices I had made(poor as they may be) which lead to pondering again God's love and mercy. Ever find yourself bound to a certain weakness/struggle that you cannot shake a stick at? No matter how much you hate it yourself it somehow cannot and will not let you rest at ease? Such was my predicament. It was trying for me as I did not want to fulfill the lust of the flesh. There were nights I'd cry myself to sleep praying God to have mercy once more on this poor wretched sinner saved by grace. However, I want to update with ever so glad tidings of great joy.A week had gone by and it dawned on me as I was spending a Saturday morning out in the fresh air enjoying the cool breeze upon my face and spending time with Jesus, that He had granted my deepest hearts' desire. Freedom. Yes, isn't that a sweet sound to one's ear? I cannot express enough gratefulness to the Lord for His tendermercies...He is altogether lovely! I have once again tasted the wonderful sweet fellowship of what it is to be set free by Him. Yes, let freedom ring! Joy is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart!

(There is so much more to this passage but I will leave it as it is).