That the King of Glory May Come In

Sometimes there are ONE too many hurts all festering at the same time. Such has been my week.

"I've never hid anything from you."

"Why are you so reserved?"

"Why do you have a wall up?"

These questions have been haunting me to the point of mocking me in the face. For I know not how to resolve them. And my insides are in so much pain. Just thinking about everything calls for a bucket. I feel so weak. I want freedom so badly but somehow I can't let go of whatever it is that's binding me to the past.

Perhaps I've followed in vain. I don't have the means to finish this course..

I don't like seeing myself in such a predicament. It speaks of hopelessness. And if it was another friend I'd been telling them to loose hope is to turn their back on God. I'm getting a headache the more thought is put into it. Having spoken so bluntly and boldly--will the end be a total waste?

As I've been thinking about my predicament, I've arrived to the conclusion that I'm still trying to fix myself. This is difficult to admit yet I see myself wallowing in my own tears so many times trying oh so desperately to find some light in the midst of my darkness which only Jesus Christ can provide. It is nothing of myself but simply letting Jesus bring healing to those hurts and as new hurts arise hopefully they will not penetrate as deeply as they have before.

'Lord Jesus shine your light in this heart of mine. I ask that Your hand would apply the ointment to the wounds of long gone by years. I give you all the hurts from my childhood and young adulthood. O God, set me free by Your love! Let me taste sweet freedom from the past for Your glory. Teach me to rest in your bosom! To stop trying and simply let You be my healer.'

Lift up your heads, O gates!

And be lifted up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The Lord, strong and mighty,

the Lord, mighty in battle!

Lift up your heads, O gates!

And lift them up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in.

Who is this King of glory?

The Lord of hosts,

he is the King of glory! Selah

Psalm 24:7-9 ESV

These verses have been speaking volumes to me the last few days. Yes, even through my gropings and moanings they've kept me thinking about what God has in store--freedom! The doors and gates give picture of the many closets and rooms we've created due to hurts, conflicts and injurious words or actions. We seem to be a pro at stashing/burying these away so as to avoid further hurt. 'Course that is all a lie... The more we bury pain the deeper it will hurt next time. Isn't that pathetic? We have our thoughts all screwed up. So as Jesus would utter and has by His actions, 'Lift up your heads, O gates! And be lifted up, O ancient doors,

that the King of glory may come in!' So come Lord Jesus and blow the trumpet of victory even in this feeble soul You claimed as Your very own! My King is mighty and strong and ... mighty in battle! Yes, come Lord Jesus. No more barred shut doors. Have Your way in me!